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I just can`t help it ... Sarcastic bitch is built-in.
Tattoos are like potato chips. You can`t have just one.
The black sheep always have the best stories.
I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
I consider anything that doesn`t fit in the dishwasher to be for one time use.
It’s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM.
Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesnt that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie? ... hmmm
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...