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Whenever someone tells me they like country music, I just look them in the eyes and ask "which country?"
I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
The baby spit up on my Xbox so I had to get rid of it ... I`m gonna miss that baby...
Men are a lot like kids, if you want to shut them up, put a boob in their mouth.
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.
If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie.
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
If guns don’t kill people, but people kill people, then doesn’t that mean that toasters don’t toast toast, but instead toast toasts toast?
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.
Don`t take nude pics. Problem solved.
People without kids: I`ll never yell at my kids ... People with kids: I DONT KNOW WHY SOMEONE SPIT THEIR GUM ON THE ROAD, JUST WALK!
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned
Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.