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There`s a difference between having a unique name and a common name that`s spelled wrong.
My dog was licking his balls. My friend said "I wish I could do that." I said "You better pet him first; he can be mean sometimes."
I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn`t park anywhere near the place
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
Sometimes I feel like I get less attention than a white crayon.
A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
You know your a$s is ugly when you`re the one always asked to take the photo.
Why would I pay someone to scare me at a haunted house when I could just open a can of biscuits at home?
My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
Never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table... It’s what they want.