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Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
My wife said she wanted to feel special. So I gave her a helmet and some crayons. Perhaps I misunderstood her?
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
And now it`s too hot outside to take down the Christmas lights
I wonder if Batman knows that other cities have crime, too.
Afraid of not getting what you ordered when online shopping…..Ha, try online dating
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
I bet if you walked up to any table at a restaurant and said "Good afternoon folks" they will let you take their order.
Depresso; the feeling you get when you’ve run out of coffee.
Q: What is the best thing God ever created? A: The vagina. Q: What was the worst thing God ever did? A: Put women in charge of them.
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
Does this floor I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!