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The only problem with using the treadmill is that you can`t run from your own farts.
Sarcasm. Because communicating with morons is hard.
Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound a$$ should be in them!
My innocent look never works in the nude.
When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
I`d like to have a kid but I`m not sure I`m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where their shoes are.
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
My friend said "hey that girl has a nice butt" I said "yes i bet she can sit down excellently "
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
If you surround your house in police tape, the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.