Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If your dog takes a dump on your floor and you clean it up, who owns who??
SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
It’s amazing how little information I need on someone before I decide I don’t like them.
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
I sure do feel a lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
It’s amazing how long you can hold your farts at the beginning of a relationship.
I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can`t be bought.
I would want to change my name to `Nobody` on Facebook. So when someone updates something stupid it says `Nobody likes this`
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I`m not sure what it means.