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Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs.....But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
It`s weird how after they couldn`t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King`s men were like "Let`s give the horses a shot at it"
Did 4 push ups & 2 sit ups then ate 4 doughnuts & drank 2 beers. It`s called balance people!
Single ? I`m not single, I`m in a long standin relationship with fun and freedom ! ;)
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
Please just put it in the fridge.... We`ll throw it away next week.
If you need me I`ll always be stuck behind the person who doesn`t know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle.
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
If ghosts existed, why are they all apparently from the last 100 years or so? Wouldn’t there be evidence of a Neanderthal ghost here and there?
Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” ... Yes, I wrote it yesturday. But still, the truth is the truth.
Beer never asks me if I think another beer is prettier than it.
I wonder if my neighbors are more tired of hearing my dog bark or me screaming at it to shut the f*ck up.