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How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
Was born with a rare condition called "Amazing"
Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....
I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 6 cookies.
You say you don`t need to drink to have fun. All I`m hearing is designated driver.
exercise........you mean extra fries
I don’t care how loud I’m laughing, I’m having fun and you’re not.
A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
I live in fear of finding hidden cameras in my house & not being able to explain why I do all those random karate kicks directed at no one.
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."
Every so often you come across a person who always smiles no matter what, that person is the reason why random bitch slaps should be a thing
Sometimes I do totally awesome and amazing things just to throw people off.