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Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
If you don`t have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
Ways to die: Steal my food.
“Should I add more liquor?” is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked.
Take my advice, I’m not going to use it.
I am upping my standards.. so up yours!
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they´re going to be when you kill them.
I once dated a Rockette with Tourette`s. Talk about kicking and screaming!
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?