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I`m allergic to stupidity ... which is why I break out in to sarcasm.
If there`s one thing that I`ve learned it`s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
Happy July 22nd! Today isn’t a holiday, but you’re alive and well, so why not celebrate?
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks.
Sarcasm is funnier when used on people who don`t understand it.
I`ve always wondered why they don`t have a pregnant Barbie doll? Turns out Ken comes in a different box...
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
I hope this coffee gives me the energy to look busy all day.
I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.
A fear of mine is a proctologist with poor depth perception!