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Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they`re either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.
I`ve spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she`s a woodpecker.
I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you`re able to "fall asleep right now."
If you check Page 4, Paragraph 16, Subsection (d), right after the section on Video Game usage, but before the Book Report Procrastination provision and the No Face Piercings, Ever Amendment , you will that see that I am, in fact, and I quote: "the boss of you."
Nice try butter flavored pancake syrup, but I`m still putting butter on them!!
Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people.
Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
I was looking all over for my ambition today......well, It wasn`t under this 12 pack, so I`ll look tomorrow.
It`s kind of weird that beams of electricity strike down from the sky and we`re all just okay with it.
Can you imagine if Facebook and Twitter just decided to shut down and you see all these confused people coming out of their house squinting at the sun.
sleep is for people without netflix
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.