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Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day I’m just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
The 21st century. When deleting history is more important than making it.
Haters gonna hate, your honor
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
If the Internet was never invented... what would we all be doing now?
I must have a great butt because every time I finish talking with someone and start to walk away, I hear them whisper "What an a$$."
The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.?
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
Time to turn over a new leaf ... With my luck it’ll be poison ivy.
I need to get out of bed and do something so I can justify taking a nap later.
Ever wondered why there’s no window in the airplane’s toilet? Because, really, who’s going to see in?
Things that make you go Mmmmmmm - Duct Tape