Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My doctor told me to stop drinking...Then he told me to stop laughing.
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
**TORNADO WARNING** Everyone head to Giants Stadium. Safest place to avoid a touch down.
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm down.
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
I went to the bank and said I`d like to open a joint account. They said "With who?" I said "Anyone who has a lot of money!"
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that’s all you’ll have to make your kids think you’re cool.
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
I`m gonna name my son Wussell so people think he has a speech impediment.
I want to tell my coworker I have strong feelings for her, but I`m afraid things might get weird if she knows I hate her.
The toughest part of a lesbian relationship is deciding who gets to be the one who`s always right.
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.
Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.