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Sometimes, I drink a glass of water, just to surprise my liver!
Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15ā¦.
Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
you know why maths is unhappy? because it got so many problems.
I really hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
Iām not stupid. Iām just too lazy to show how smart I am.
"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"
BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.