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Eggnog is perfect for when you feel like drinking a glass of pancake batter.
Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
Don`t exercise ... fat people are harder to kidnap
TEIAM - problem solved
I don’t think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am.
If I drop my food on a plane, and we change time zones at the same time, do I receive an additional hour to the 5 second rule?
You can either agree with me, or you can be wrong.
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
I`m the type of person who goes out to a restaurant and orders a veggie burger with cheese and bacon on it.
And today I learned to never ask a woman how she dye`s her roots black.
When sitting directly across from someone also using a laptop, I can`t stop myself from telling them, "you sunk my battleship!"
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
I just want to alternate between napping and eating all day everyday while getting attention, so basically I just wish I were a dog.
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?