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Maybe early risers just aren’t as awesome at sleeping as I am.
I wish more people were fluent in silence.
Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!
When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I`d throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti
I`m not lying, I`m just making the story better.
Just told my dog "Don`t walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don`t.
I plucked my first gray hair today ... Man, that lady was upset.
Apparently, I just ate 39 servings of Tic - Tacs.
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven`t pooped it out yet ... Really scared now!
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is not working.
I`m 84% less productive in a swivel chair.