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Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they`re either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.
Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
Think about the nicest thing anyone`s ever said about you. Not really true, right?
Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.
I didn`t get drunk enough last night, I can still remember working.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed, it ruled.
I cant wait to show everyone at work my new cough
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
The original creator of the phrase “common sense” surely didn’t know many people.
Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I`ve never heard of.
Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?
I try not to limit my madness to March.