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When I`m bored, nobody texts me. But as soon as I`m busy, BAM! ... still nobody texts me.
Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
I`m sorry, I`ll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I`m a giant.
I`m not funny, I`m just really mean and people think I`m joking.
Whenever I tell the cashier to ‘keep the change`, it takes everything in my power not to call them a filthy animal.
When a girl says: "If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best"... What she really means is: "I`m a f*ckin psycho."
I never run with scissors. (those last two words were unnecessary.)
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
Just read someones status, "Today is the frist day of your life," Thats just stupid, mine was over 45 years ago.. If it was the frist day of your life you wouldn`t be able to read it... Dummy
Its so cold outside I might even post about it on Facebook
My whole life is based on a true story...