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Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
I`ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.
I don’t have bumper stickers because I don’t believe in anything strongly enough to potentially get my car keyed.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
Are you one of those people that get hurt from things posted on Facebook? You can easily avoid that by keeping your a$$ off of Facebook.
"Teeter Totter" is the silliest name for toddler catapults.
What if dreams are just glimpses of alternate universes?
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
Kid, I can take you out the same way I brought you into this world, by making it look like an accident.
Is it so much to ask that everyone who ever wronged me be forced to leave the country and change their identity?
Car next to me in the liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has seven kids! ... I better get in there quick! She`s gonna buy it all.
Have you ever ate something so good that you do a little happy dance while your eating it?
I lost my mood ring today. Not sure how to feel about it
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.