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A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I am dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.
It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best-looking guy in the world, but,....Oh,hell. Now I`m depressed.
I saw a girl being irresponsible texting while driving and it really ticked me off.....So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don’t be mad, I’ll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.
No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman, it doesn`t matter if its Visa or Mastercard.
The hardest part about a Zombie Apocalypse is pretending I’m not excited.
I don`t take steroids because I never want to look like I`m capable of helping my friends move.
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
Statistically: 1 in 7 dwarfs are grumpy
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
I hate waiting until I`m dead. I want to haunt people now dammit.
The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.