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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
I`m going to make a bucket list: Things I`m going to do before I kick the bucket. Number 1: WEAR SHOES!!!
Kiss me I`m Irish, put a little tongue in it, I`m French too
Sometimes late at night, I dig a hole in the back yard to keep the nosey neighbor`s guessing.
?-- that guy is cute ?
I`m not a doctor but I play one on Match.com
There are two types of people in the world: 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm. 2. Morons.
"I don`t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others` lives sounds fun!" - How I got out of jury duty
Saying “do I smell popcorn ” right after you fart, so everyone takes in a deep breath.
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
I never give money to bums because a.) They probably make more money than I do. b.) They work from home. c.) They get to drink on the job.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
I bet if there were little basketball hoops above every garbage can, littering would greatly decrease.
Me, on phone to credit card company: What if you just break my kneecaps and we call it even?
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......