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I just did my budget for August. If I don`t buy food ... I won`t need toilet paper. I think I`m on to something here.
We laughed, we cried, we tried another credit card.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
Was at an Apple store today when I let out a really loud fart. Boy, the employee`s were so mad. Hey, Not my fault they don`t have windows!
He won`t let me complain to the neighbors, so I renamed the WiFi to `SHUT YOUR DOG UP, D!CKS`
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.
The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE DASHBOARD PICS!
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
If I’m not eating I’m most likely not happy.
Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?
If you want funny, get off Facebook and watch the news...
When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sex, not the whole entire relationship...
If we all had to wear a warning label, what would yours say?