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If it`s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping SCREW YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
Here`s a list of the things I have to look forward to today: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Drinking after work
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
If I could time travel, I`d make sure the guy who made up the word Walkie-Talkie got to name more things.
Kids, because why would you want to sleep on more than 6 inches of your king size bed?
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It`s not like a murderer will come in thinking "I`m gonna ki..- ahh damn! He`s under a blanket
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the “For External Use Only” warning labels.
I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it`s nice to see agreeable babies out there.
To-Do List : Nothing[?]
u cant spell awesome without me
"If your reading this, I think your awesome!"
Two of the greatest mysteries of the universe: 1) Why are we here? 2) How come Chinese restaurants don`t serve breakfast?
Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.