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Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials. We’ve all chosen sides.
Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn`t going according to plan.
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
A reality show where a couple wins $10 million dollars if they show nobody a picture of their baby for the first 2 years.
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
If video games have taught me anything, it`s that you`ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
I`d go to church if they had Wi-Fi.
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.
Million dollar idea: A snooze button that lets you sleep longer the harder you hit it.
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.