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Ran out of post-it notes, now I don`t know how to remind myself to buy more.
Happy July 22nd! Today isn’t a holiday, but you’re alive and well, so why not celebrate?
What if aliens only abduct crazy people, because nobody will ever believe them?
I`m not trying to brag or anything, but I just got invited to play Candy Crush on FB
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happening to me, only with beer.
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
You would never know I had a college degree if you saw how many times I tried to push when it says pull.
I’m offering a $1000 reward to anyone who brings me $1000 and a taco.
If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so we can "like it" and laugh..
I’m starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
The more I get to know you, the more I`m convinced that you are the sole inspiration behind many medications.
Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were
I tried to login on my iPad. Turns out it was an etch-a-sketch and I don`t own an iPad. Also. I`m out of alcohol.
I can think of other ways to eat fresh, but I`ll settle for this subway sandwich.
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.