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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
Redneck Word : debate...i was gonna go fishin today but forgot to bring debate
I don’t hate you, I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
My wife thinks I’m at work. My boss thinks I’m home sick. These ducks think I’m awesome because I have the bread.
My problem is that all food is comfort food
They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
An empty fridge is a sad fridge.
Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I`ve never heard of.
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
They`re called `selfies` because the only one who`s interested in them is yourself.
Currently training for when they inevitably make drinking an Olympic sport.
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.