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My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
"You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why i fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again..
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
Always remember, it`s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly.
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
Hell hath no fury like a hungry me.
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.