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if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
I forgot to make a resolution, so I`m pretty much going to just write out everything I did last night and add the word "stop" to the beginning.
Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of idiot?
Look for my new diet book: "How To Work Out And Watch What You Eat And Still Gain Plenty Of Weight"
Some Facebook friends are like ghost you dont see them but you know their there
The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE DASHBOARD PICS!
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
I`m on that “Starts tomorrow” diet.
You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.
When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.