Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.
My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise.
Christmas is just like any other day in the workplace, you work your butt off and the fat guy with a suit gets all the credit.
Adulthood is mostly about being tired and wishing you hadn’t made plans.
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
Every woman needs a shoulder to cry on, a shoulder to lean on and a shoulder to hold her bra strap on!!!
Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
If noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
Oh, so you are thinking about me? I am also thinking about myself.....
When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.
You never know how little self control you have until they put chips and salsa in front of you at a Mexican restaurant.
I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn`t reach the toilet paper.
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.