Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
Lady: what Colour are my eyes? Man: 34D
Friends are like orgasms... nobody wants the fake ones.
Its real cute how pedestrians confuse “right of way” with immortality.
Get real. No one’s going to form a single line if the building’s on FIRE.
I`m not crazy, I`m just special!!...No, wait...Maybe I am crazy. One second...I have to talk to myself about this, hold on...
Being the fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business.
I`d like to give a shoutout to all the people who are going through an identity crisis, you know who you are... I think.
If you`re behind someone at the ATM late at night, let them know you`re not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck.
My parents say I was an unplanned child, which probably explains why my life isn`t going to plan.
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
I`m going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he`s dressed. He was asking for it!"
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.