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Running on two hours of sleep I’m either way too happy or violently homicidal.
Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
I hate when my girlfriend accuses me of something I didn`t think she knew about.
Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
What did the Japanese man say to the other Japanese man? Something in Japanese,
Walmart: the only place on Earth you can get a haircut, eye exam, ice cream sandwich, tires for your car, and witness a real life "what not to wear" episode.
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood until they move.
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
“You look tired” is just a polite way to tell someone they look like sh*t.
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
is procastinating now. Don´t see why I should put it off.
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?
We should be thanking our Dads for bringing us into the world, not our Moms. She probably wasn`t in the mood...