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Look up from your phone… There’s some life going on around you.
I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
I would watch tennis more often if they replaced the ball boys with untrained golden retrievers.
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
Sorry I can`t go out tonight, I can`t find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible.
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
I hate it when I think I`m buying ORGANIC vegetables but when I get home I discover they`re just REGULAR donuts...
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
facebooked yo mama!!!
I hope common sense is the next cool trend.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...