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If you`re wondering about my cooking skills, I`ve been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
I would order delivery more often, but I just can`t stand lowering the drawbridge.
When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
To me, suicide seems selfish. For all I know, someone else might want to kill me
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
If you love someone , let them go. If they dont come back, call them up later when your drunk and see wtf is going on.
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
Magic words that make my children disappear: 1) Bath time. 2) Who did this?!?! 3) When I was your age...
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep
If you emphasize the ‘po’ in police they’re probably already after you.
I`m on my 5th coffee, just in case you`re wondering about the "other way" to get to Narnia .
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.