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is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:
That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
I knew you were coming so I baked a cake ... It was delicious.
Someone just told me to "Have a good morning". What about the rest of my day mother f*cker?
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
Heard Justin Bieber got arrested for drag racing. Sure it`s dangerous, but surely it isn`t against the law to run in high heels...
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.
The best part of an argument is the make up sex...unless you`re fighting with your brother.