Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just told the guy at the second drive-thru window that the guy at the first drive-thru window wants to fight him.
My doctor asked me if I drink to excess. I told him I would drink to anything.
Things I use duct tape for, by percentage: Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
You know you`re getting old when cops make you feel safe instead of nervous.
You know that tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
My friend told me he`s going to have a sex change. Apparently, he just wants to eat, drink, and be Mary.
My Life Alert bracelet says.....: I`m Just Napping
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
"You`re so cute!" works as a response to anything my girl says 99% of the time when I`m not listening which is 99% of the time.
Falling out of bed the fun way. Oh wait, there isn`t a fun way....
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?