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my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
Remember, Christmas is over if you sit on a strangers lap now and ask for stuff it`s because you`re a whore.
I`ve always pictured myself taking selfies.
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
Cleavage is like the sun, you can look... But its dangerous to stare
I’m moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.
Wish there were more love songs about naps and liqour.