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I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
I know you think you´re interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.
If I could just make one thing very clear at this point ... I would.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect already.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
Never say "piece of cake!" to me. Unless there is, indeed, a piece of cake involved.
Facebook: an alternative to drunk dialing.
Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves
I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.
Having a bad day? Imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate. you`re welcome.
Trying to untwist a twizzler is a real b*tch and this gas station cashier yelling at me isn`t helping.
It’s not drinking alone if the dogs are home, right?
That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto correct is like....`I`ve got nothing man.`
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women