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My nose is "running", that`s all the exercise I can handle for one day.......
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
Somedays I could do without the life lesson
A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
Always have a goal... Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
I`m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
A colon is used to indicate a list of elements to the sentence preceding it. A semicolon is for making winky faces.
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
You never know how dirty a song`s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!