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I`m still mad that video killed the radio star.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a better legal defense.
I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
I don`t really understand why women are expected to be able to cook if they can give blowjobs.
Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
I`m never more nervous than when I tell a doctor what I actually eat.
I love to start my day by getting on Facebook to see who is a whiny little bi!ch today.
Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn’t answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
i hope your life is as long and useful as this roll of toilet paper!!!
If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
Took the ice from my ice bucket challenge and put it in my whisky.
I`ve run out of things to be upset about. I hope Justin Bieber has kids soon.