Daily Silly Status

I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..

Everyone has their area of expert knowledge.... if any of you need tips on how to do absolutely nothing amazingly well, let me know.

It`s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!

A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth

The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.

Now that I`ve maxed out my 401k for the year, I`ll get a tattoo, said no one ever.

I order all my food with extra gluten.

My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered.

I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.

I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.

Chess says everything about men and women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.

Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved

I checked my horoscope today and all I can say is ...WOW!! I`m a Taurus and I looked it up and sure enough,it says I was born between 4/21-5/21!! Well played horoscope, well played.

I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.

If a post is really good you will read it twice. if a post is really good you will read it twice.