Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
Whenever I screw up at work, I`m so glad I`m not a doctor.
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect.
How long have I been working here? ... Ever since they threatened to fire me.
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket .. I´d miss you alot and think of you often.
You`re an intellectual who doesn`t read books? I completely understand because I`m an athlete that rarely moves.
Since they`re loud and heavily scented already, Abercrombie & Fitch stores really are the ideal spot to go fart.
Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.
Since my ear surgery I haven`t heard from my doctor. Not sure if that`s a good thing or not.
The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.
Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.
If I could time-travel, forget killing baby Hitler. I`d go back to use every come back I ever thought of 10 minutes too late.
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone