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No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.
I can`t wait to get one of those self-driving cars to watch my wife argue with it.
Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies.
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
I fake my LOLs
You are living proof that the Lord is testing me.
that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
Karma means I can rest easy at night knowing all the people I treated badly had it coming.
Can I just drop it like it’s luke warm? It’s been a long day and I’m tired.
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day
I’m watching this show on stalkers, still haven’t seen any of you yet.