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What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
Last night I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up in the morning, my pillow was gone...
A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
A word of advice, stay on my good side. My good side is in Hawaii.
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
Defeat....the feeling you get when you realize the "next" level is just as hard......
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and It’s just me laughing at my own jokes.
Marriage...betting someone half your stuff you`ll love them forever.
Next time you`re in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
Just got back from the car dealership and long story short, I`m now the proud owner of a giant circus tent.
Get Dora and Boots on this missing plane case now, Dora solves the case everytime