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I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much I’m going to eat this week.
I don`t play sports, the only sport I play is shopping. But there`s a lot of walking involved in that. Running sometimes if there`s a sale.
Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
Your eyes are so beautiful. If you look deep enough i can see my own reflection...
I need an app that shows oncoming traffic on my touchscreen while I`m driving
I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
I go out all day looking good and saw no one I know. I go out for 5 minutes looking like sh!t and it`s all of the sudden a f*cking reunion.
it`s friday o clock
It`s no fun having nothing to do, fun is having a lot to do and doing nothing.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.
I`m fairly certain that kids only have ears for decorative purposes.
Dear Autocorrect, She`s an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I`m never getting laid.
Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world.