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Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
My boss hates "yes" men and I have to agree with him.
There’s both a McDonald’s and a blood pressure machine in this Walmart. Circle of life.
Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
Why do cops ask us why we think they pulled us over? It`s their job. I dont go to the station and ask why they think I created a powerpoint.
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
Some old people are driving vehicles right now and don’t even know it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.