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They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
That annoying feeling when you finally downloaded the movie you wanted to watch and BOOM!... It`s in French. #F**kYouFrance
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
Never make decisions when you are angry....or horny.
Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
I’m pretty much always down for a snack.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn`t be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to make anything your fault.
After I die, there are some people I’m going to haunt the sh!t out of.
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.