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Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Relationships always start out as "You`re smart and funny." and end up as "You think you know everything and it`s all a joke to you!"
The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.
heyy lol
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
If you`re feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.
Having a pen!s is like having a friend that always wants to play.
People be like: "Awe baby you make me so happy." But the second you break up they be like, "finally happy."
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true!