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One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
The length of your "About me" section on Facebook is directly proportional to how annoying you are in real life.
I ate too much salad over the weekend so I`m going on an Oreo cleanse today.
If this cold snowy weather doesn`t clear up soon, I may never get in the mood to take down the Christmas tree-
I hate people that take drugs, specially U.S. Customs and the D.E.A.
Never make decisions when you are angry....or horny.
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, `Well, she`s there`
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
The mechanic asked if I wanted my tires rotated and I was like, "No thanks, I`m pretty sure they do that all by themselves while I`m driving"
This cold weather makes me half the man I used to be.
I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge
How much tequila goes into mashed potatoes again?