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It`s amazing how much people are willing to lower their eating standards when you insert the word "free" in front of the word "food".
My dad taught me righty tighty, lefty loosie.... that`s why I never dated left handed chicks.
And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
There is no such thing as bad luck, there is good luck and life!
So many people are making history right now. but me, I`m deleting history from my browser.
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
"There is a policeman in here and he will ARREST YOU." Things I say to my kids when we`re in public.
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.
Being human is expensive and exhausting.