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Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
How can you tell if a smurf has the blues?
"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.
TEIAM - problem solved
Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome
Grabbing a drink after work is perfectly fine.However, you look like an alcoholic when your getting that drink at 6am.
Alcohol: Because no good story starts with “So this one time I was eating a salad….”
Who decided to call the man purse a satchel and not a douchebag?
Without coffee, I’m just a really tall 2 year old.
I’m not in denial, I’m just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)
The plans I make after work are in direct proportion to how much charge I have left in my phone battery.
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure
If you have time to update your status as "very busy", then you obviously exaggerated.