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Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
It`s really ironic that I mostly use my driver`s license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive.
The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" and watch the panic set in.
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
I don`t mind my long commute, I just hate that it always brings me to work.
Remember, Christmas is over if you sit on a strangers lap now and ask for stuff it`s because you`re a whore.
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
Hello...
Thinking about staying in tonight? Nobody looks back in life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
I live for those really small but special moments in life, like when I see the waiter bringing my food to the table.
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool