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I don`t get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
I wish more people were fluent in silence.
My girlfriend said she wasn`t impressed and felt she needed a man with at least 6 inches. So I folded it in half.
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
I live for two reasons. 1) I was born. 2) I haven`t died yet.
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: ...
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy don`t worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth.