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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
Some people are like water balloons; they`re more fun when you throw them out the window.
I think I`m gonna take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
What do you mean I didn’t win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else.
The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads
I’m right 97% of the time…who cares about the other 4%.
I need professional help. A chef and a butler will do just fine.
What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What are nuts on the chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts against a chin? Blow job.
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
Ever wondered why there’s no window in the airplane’s toilet? Because, really, who’s going to see in?
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.