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When they discover the center of the universe, alot of people will be shocked they`re not in it.
It`s so cute how all the free sandwiches in the fridge at work have little names.
Somedays I could do without the life lesson
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
I dated this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone. Then I realized he was just putting me on hold.
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
If you enter a room and there`s no food, you`re in the wrong room.
I hate driving so much that I even ring for taxis on grand theft auto.