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You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you like to do for fun.
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I`m pretty sure that`s how I`m feeling today.
I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss.
My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats.
Spring cleaning: The term that gives us an excuse to only clean once a year.
This century is already 15% over.
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
The only clubs I’m into are sandwiches.
My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."
Be nice to your kids. They get to choose your nursing home.
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I`m not sure what it means.