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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
It`s funny how when you post a status and some people think it`s about them..Hahahaha it was.
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink every night
No pornhub I do not want to share this video with my friends & family on Facebook
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
If your significant other is mad at you, put a cape on them and say "Now you`re super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn`t used yet.
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......