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So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
I miss the life I planned in my head.
I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
Going on a dangerous assignment. If I don`t come back, can someone please tell my girlfriend that I always found her laugh really annoying. Thanks.
Why is it called when animals attack? It should be called when retarded people go near dangerous animals.
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn’t be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn’t waste thousands of them in the `80s throwing them at Mario.
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?