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Yes, your opinion matters ... But not to me.
When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?
I swear, if my memory gets any worse I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
I know money talks but I wish mine had a better vocabulary instead of just ‘Spend me’.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they’re going to put you in one.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
Can you do me a favour? Stand in front of my car, I need to test my brakes.
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
I`m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
I broke up with my gym, we were just not working out.
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
Sweat pants & Uggs in public says "and I didn`t brush my teeth, either."
"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P