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Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
only 9530 days until retirement.
My friends most commonly describe me as "who?"
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not nearly as funny when you live by yourself.
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
Just stepped outside, closed my eyes, took a deep breathe of fresh air, sipped a Dew. What a perfect morning, what could go wrong? Crap I forgot 2 put pants on!
Sorry I liked your status, I was cleaning my phone.
On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.
It`s all sh*ts and giggles till somebody giggles and sh*ts
How did anybody express anger before the invention of the caps lock key?
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
I`ll vacuum over something a hundred times before I pick it up and place it back down and try again.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...
I found a penny today that reminded me of you. Totally worthless and always in a stranger`s pants.