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The black sheep always have the best stories.
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
I think people who challenge me at Words With Friends are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words.
When you were little, “I’m going to tell your mom” was the scariest sentence ever.
The Zoo is a safe place to fart.
I`m awkward when people compliment me. "Nice hair" "Thanks, I grew it myself"
Wanna try something funny? Go to a bank and yell "NOBODY MOVE..(Scary pause)..I lost a contact lens."
To the woman with six screaming kids in Walmart, if you wonder how those condoms got in your cart, you’re welcome.
I’m sorry I offended you with my common sense.
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
I am going to open "The Karma Cafe" There will be no menus though. You will get what you deserve!
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
Robots can do anything we set their mind to
What`s the point of a highschool reunion? I`ve got Facebook. I already know you got fat.