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ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
Please don`t hastag out loud...
I`m not a doctor but I play one on Match.com
If you’re not fully satisfied with your life, do something about it. Or complain about it on the internet. Whatever you prefer.
The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what`s inside.
I don`t know why I don`t buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the shit out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.
How about first you show me your benefits and THEN I`ll let you know if we can be friends.
So, when people say "LOLZ", does that mean they laughed themselves to sleep?
If you are offended by the opinions I express you can only imagine the ones I keep to myself.
If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.
Would people still go to the gym if Instagram didn`t exist?
Girls just wanna have funds.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.