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To all the waiters out there: we don`t get impressed when you try to memorize our orders, we just get nervous.
Whenever someone tells me they like country music, I just look them in the eyes and ask "which country?"
I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.
"Fidget Spinners are so dumb pointless." -The generation that purchased over 5 million Pet Rocks.
But in my most troublesome times, I looked down and saw only one set of footprints. I asked the Lord why, and He replied that sand people ride single file to hide their numbers.
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
There are 3 levels of pain. 1. Pain 2. Excruciating pain 3. Stepping on a Lego
Admit it...Life yould be boring without me.
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
New College Admissions Test ______ not getting into this college: A. Your B. Ur C. You`re D. U`re
Soup of the day: Beer
If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.
I don`t trust stairs. They always look like they`re up to something.
I used to like my neighbors until they changed the password to their wi-fi :)
I wan`t you to know that someone cares. not me, but someone.