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The Home Alone house is up for sale for 2.4 mil. I’d pay 2.5 (if I had it) just so I could say, “Keep the change you filthy animal.”
Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni… That folks, is what drugs do to you.
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
If puppies could talk I would never even want to try and make human friends ever again.
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office – I will track you down. You have my Word.
The tragedy of Scooby-Doo is that whoever kept supplying criminals with such realistic prosthetic masks was never caught.
I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.
How long do I have to stand in front of the microwave for to become a member of X-Men?
1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Tell them your name is Waldo 4) Leave
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,…Why don’t you ever smile in my pictures?
Where is the button to restart summer?
I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.
I think the lady at the movies is "shushing" me, but I can`t tell because I`m eating Doritos.