Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I want to meet myself from someone else’s point of view.
I always say, "morning." Instead of, "good morning." If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
The problem with the rest of the world is that they are always 5 drinks behind.
I don`t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.
I`m happy that my grandma thinks that a iPad is for wet and leaking eyes
Don’t waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
My head says go to the gym. My heart says food.
Me blacking out when I`m drunk is God`s way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.
My love is like a candle, If you forget about me, I`ll burn your frikin house down!
If I could turn snarky sarcasm into a paying job, I could be employed for infinity.
Keep up the good work, people who make free porn available.
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.