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Never look back. That’s where all the monsters are.
Thought I saw a kangeroo today turned out to be a greyhound taking a dump !
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
I either get what I want or I change my mind!
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
I`d love to have kids one day. Two days, tops.
Yelling "give me back my panties, you pervert" at joggers is a surprisingly effective way of encouraging them to run faster.
In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY ... My best time so far is 7 min.
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.