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For Valentine`s Day my wife wanted to.... well, you know. It started with her handcuffing me to the bed. And for three solid hours she watched whatever she wanted on television
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am.
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
You know what`s more miraculous than a video with a million view but no dislikes on YouTube? The detention sheet empty for my class.
TEIAM - problem solved
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
Theirye’re, problem solved.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....
I need to hire someone who will follow me around and just knock the unhealthy food out of my hand.
I mixed Taco Bell sauce into my Ramen Noodles, It tastes exactly like poverty.
The moment you empty your vacuum cleaner is the moment you become a vacuum cleaner.