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Today`s secret word is "epic". When someone says the secret word scream real loud and punch them in the face.
Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
Fun Fact: Even though they call it a "man hole", you can shove women and children down it just fine.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
"I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald`s application
Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
Why do they have “limited edition” scented candles? Are there crazy people collecting these things?
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
Due To ObamaCare and the poor economy Holiday Cheer this year will be distributed in Shot Glasses...
I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.
I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.
This is supposed to be funny but I got nothing but do me a favour and like this...Yeah, okay, IM DESPERATE -.-
If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn`t, you should know that I ignored you first.