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If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it`s because they`ve just killed someone right?
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
My brother didnt take kindly to jail. He refused food & drink, and smeared feces on the walls. That`s the last time we`re playing Monopoly.
After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
Half of life is screwing up…the other half is dealing with it.
I never give money to bums because a.) They probably make more money than I do. b.) They work from home. c.) They get to drink on the job.
Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
I don`t care about Disney lying about the Prince Charmings out there. I`m more annoyed that random woodland creatures won`t clean my house.
I fold down my laptop screen very slowly at night so I don`t squish you guys.
Did a 5k today. Except it was how many calories I had at lunch.
I’ve never been a millionaire, but I know I’d be excellent at it.
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.