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Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies.
Dear college students, Sorry about your GPA. - Netflix
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
About 110,000 people contract chlamydia each month, more than signed up for Obamacare. Obamacare is less popular than chlamydia.
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
I was told there would be kool-aid.
If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it
My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.