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you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks you what you like to do for fun.
Ever notice how the automatic flush sensors in public restrooms kinda look like hidden cameras?
Don`t you love followers that don`t acknowledge your existence. Its so cute. Its like I have tiny marriages all over the world.
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
Do you think Santa regrets giving all those bad kids coal now that global warming is threatening his home?
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard
My wife just changed here facebook status from "Married" to "widowed", should I be scared?
I`m smiling ... You should be scared.
Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw
I`m going to become a hermit as soon as I find a cave with a decent wifi connection.
A guy had his whole left side torn off, the doctor said he`s all right.