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ah Saturday, where it`s socially acceptable to drink in the morning. ;)
How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
Forget drugs and sex. Parents please talk to your kids about their grammar and spelling.
You`re from my dreams... Or nightmares. I can`t decide which.
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks. I`m out in public. Thanks.
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
More celebrities should donate blood. I mean, imagine having the blood of Will Smith running through your veins.
One time I was in a bar and there was this really weird guy pouring booze all over his hand. Turned out he was trying to get his date drunk
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
A wasp just landed on my balls. Hardest decision of my life.
Thursday doesn`t even count as a day, it`s just the thing that`s blocking friday.
Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..