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What a rip-off. I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess.
I don`t ever need to go sky diving or bungee jumping. Leaving a pizza in the oven while I make a quick run to Walgreens is about all the adrenaline rush I can handle.
I`m thinking of changing my voicemail to the following: "If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me."
To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
A true man is one who leaves his wife alone in cold weather and goes to watch football.
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, āIām not crazy!ā and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
Strip search? ... Fine, but I`m going to need some background music.
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!