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It`s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
I`m feeling about as useful as a stoplight in Grand Theft Auto.
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor.
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
The bears had it right choosing to hibernate all winter.
Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as “grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube.”
If you see me laughing like a crazy person, think nothing of it ..it`s just the voices in my head telling me jokes!
roses are red, violets are blue, god made everyone beautiful, what the hell happened to you?
I just witnessed a co worker eat a cupcake with no frosting ... What kind of devil worshiping nonsense is this?
Sorry I said "nice phone" when you showed me a photo of your baby.