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MISSED CONNECTION: I gave you the Heimlich maneuver on Maine St. You insisted you weren’t choking and put up a good fight.
When riding in an elevator, be sure to push all the buttons. Your fellow riders will appreciate the fact that you thought of everyone.
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
Who knew rock bottom was so crowded?
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
I’m pretty sure putting time limits on when breakfast is served is unconstitutional.
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
I`m in big trouble if my coworkers find out I don`t really have Tourette`s.
God is testing me today, but I don`t think he realizes I`m a `C` student.
Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it’s my modesty that stands out.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!