Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
People say "Happy Thanksgiving" which is nice, but then they ruin it by saying "Don`t eat too much". Do they want me to have a Happy Thanksgiving or not?
That awkward moment when you make a Harry Potter reference and none of your Muggle friends get it.
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing canned goods at her
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
It`s pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil.
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.