Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
You know vacation should be over when all you do is sit around naked, drinking fruity malt liquor beverages
I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
My boss just asked me why I wasn`t working.. ..i told em cuz I didn`t see him coming
Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: pfft. I could think of like fifty reasons, I’m not falling for that.
It’s amazing how little information I need on someone before I decide I don’t like them.
Tonight`s good mood is sponsored by ... Beer!!
why does a round pizza comes in a square box?
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
When hipsters replaced hippies, we lost free love and drugs and got skinny jeans. Worst. Trade. Ever.
Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better.
If we could master the look dogs have when we’re eating in front of them, we’d be able to have sex with any woman at will.
Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.