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I`ll be taking my time and yours,, thank you....... -- all 80 yr. old drivers
If only life was as easy as getting fat.
You can`t fix stupid but you can divorce it
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby.
My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a f*cking b!tch all the time.
I`d say that 6:30 is the best clock time, hands down.
There are people in life you could NEVER get tired of hitting with a shovel!!!
Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.
Any time you feel lonely, remember, its your fault nobody likes you.
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
After midnight, clowns aren`t funny.
I’m convinced that the employees of McDonalds were just customers who could pay and are working off their bills.
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!