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You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?
Life is like a box of chocolates. They never last as long for fat people.
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
Odd how all the `intelligent life finding instruments` are pointed away from earth.
Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
Exercise can add years to your life. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I`m 82.
Does swimming in debt count as cardio?
I`ll never need a shrink as long as my wife keeps pointing out whats wrong with me...