Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
The most common crossfit injury is a black eye from talking about it too much.
No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
I`m an optimist. I didn`t lose a sock in the dryer. I found an extra one!
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
I inject vodka right into the orange. Screwdriver-to-go
Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
I’ve made some pretty bad choices in life but I have to admit, having orange juice with Oreos was the worst.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
Ate too much salad yesterday so I`m going on an Oreos cleanse today.
This cold weather makes me half the man I used to be.
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.
So today my gym was crowded...at least I think it was a gym...Do gyms usually have drive thrus?