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Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the person’s likes and dislikes. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled.
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so I’m just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
All milk is breast milk.
I`d say that 6:30 is the best clock time, hands down.
Never piss off a woman on her period...scratch that...Never piss off a woman, period.
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
I wasn`t that drunk! "Bro, you went to the train station, smashed yourself against the wall, while yelling, Hogwarts here I come!"
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
The one thing you can always count on is your fingers.
is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"
STD`s aren`t like pokémon, your not suppose to catch`em all!