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We are so fortunate not to live in China, they have to hide their posts in cookies.
I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
This lady thinks repeatedly pushing the already-lit elevator button will summon it faster. I think I’ll push ALL the buttons when we get in.
One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.
I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
On a scale of 1 to "Me".. how smart are you?
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
that awkward moment when a bug or fly lands on your computer screen in your first reaction is to scare it away with the cursor.
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
Say what you want about the porn industry. But they are hard workers.
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"
Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!