Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
when she says "size doesn`t matter" what she really means is "I have been disappointed before." :)
I swear I just go to the strip club for the music.
I am so thankful for all the people that aren`t in my life.
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
"Paypal me your lunch money!" -Cyber Bullies
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
Iām taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
If I drop my food on a plane, and we change time zones at the same time, do I receive an additional hour to the 5 second rule?
I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets!
If you surround your house in police tape, the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.
I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn`t dilute in the shower.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.