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A woman is quick to reject a man that lives with his mother, but will accept a man that lives with his wife.
Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
I need coffee in my life more than I need most people.
I`m going to hell in every religion!
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
Did you know statistically you`re more likely to be killed by a coconut falling from a tree than by a coconut stabbing you with a kitchen knife.
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.
The only hunger games i care about involve plastic hippos.
If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”