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There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else`s house.
It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
It is kinda at the point where everything in my life is a movie reference
"Lets all put our phones down and talk with each other.." - Someone who has run out of phone battery.
I`m not lying, I`m just making the story better.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
im so hungry, im farting fresh air
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
I have an eating disorder; I`m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
God: Is there anything else you need Adam? Adam: yes I want a Sandwich! God: Ok let`s create eve.