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They’re called scents, not flavors, I should not able to taste your perfume or cologne.
I`ve been struggling with my laziness. I can`t decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing.
I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it`s someone`s birthday and I need to show respect.
Christmas is all about getting your entire dysfunctional family under one roof, hoping the cops don`t get called and nobody gets arrested.
Sometimes I get so mad at myself for being too lazy that I don`t even do anything about it.
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
Dear IRS…I would like an itemized receipt showing me exactly how every one of my tax dollars is being spent. Thanks.
Always believe a woman when she says, "you don`t really wanna know"
At this point Washington DC is basically just an elaborate promotional stunt for Grand Theft Auto V.
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
I`m so fresh they call me "ferbreeze"
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.
I am sorry I wasn`t being completely honest when I said I was normal.
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative