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Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.
Boss: You`re on another break already? Me: No. This is the same one you saw me on an hour ago.
I need my decision making privileges taken away.
If I drunk text you and you`re sleeping, don`t text me in the morning. That ship has sailed.
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
Just washed my car with the squeegee at the gas station.
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
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