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Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better.
You guys ever trip out on the fact that Indian people eat Indian food for breakfast?
I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I`d throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.
Every selfie you post should come stamped with a number like a limited edition print. "Attempt 7 of 25".
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.
There are people on Facebook who don`t realize the difference between "What`s on your mind" or "I should talk to a therapist about this"
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
You have no idea how funny I am to me.
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?