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Ask your doctor if walking blindly into traffic is right for you
I`m as nutty as a squirell fart
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
tried being normal. Didn`t like the feeling, so I`m going back to being ME.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
When a guy says "I`m Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way, your way just happens to be in the dark.
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.
Don`t be afraid of a few extra pounds, fat people are much harder to kidnap.
It`s always best to fart when there`s a baby on the bus. They always get the blame.
I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I`ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.