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If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I`d probably pick living.
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him.
A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
It`s so cold outside you can see your farts.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
My son got one of those `Stop Bullying` wristbands. he took it away from a fat little ginger kid.
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
Jehovah`s witnesses would probably be welcomed into more houses if they brought booze or cookies.
Don`t ya wish you could hold people up to the light like a $20 bill to tell if they`re fake or real?
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
If it`s the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail
Me: You`re the prettiest girl I`ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you`re smart too, I like that.
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.