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If you see me talking to myself don`t be alarmed. I`m getting expert advice.
Growing up and becoming an adult was the worst decision I’ve ever made.
How many facebook friends do you have that if they posted "I`m depressed and on the edge", your first thought would be to poke them?
I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
The trick is to not let people know how weird you really are until its too late for em to back out
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
If you`re happy and you know it, thank your ex.
You look like I need another drink
Judging by the amount of times I accidently cut myself on sharp objects it`s probably just as well real lightsabers aren`t available yet.
I bet my mom is looking down on me right now, wherever she is. She`s not dead, just very condescending.
I hate people who take drugs......like the police.
"Omg. Why does this store have so many naked pictures of me?"... "Sir those are mirrors, and we`re gonna have to ask you to leave."
I don’t want to rule the world… Just everything within a hundred square mile radius.
Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.
Chip clips are for quitters.