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My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found.
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
If your house doesn`t have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
It`s a beautiful Spring day to get outside and stare at your phone.
My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night.
Funny how drinking 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers, and 6 shots, go down like a fat kid on a see-saw.
life is too short to think twice and act wise....
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
Today is national bring your flask to work day. I just made it up. Tell the others...
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
I`m starting to doubt that all of the people in this singing group are called Carol.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.