Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`. I`ll definitely turn around and look.
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
Good news: I can still do a full split! Bad news: It wasn`t on purpose!
It takes one slow walking person in the grocery store, to remove the illusion that I`m a nice person.
If I hug you longer than 3 seconds, I’m picking your pockets.
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
Last night I was drunk and asked a cat if it could talk. It said, “Me? How?”
Reason number 347 why I hate Facebook: A guy from high school posted 11 new photos all with the caption "me"
I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.
There`s nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it.. So now I have to live in constant fear.. O_o
Somewhere the inventor of yoga pants is near death from all the high fives and non-stop free tequila shots he gets.
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.