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According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, You`re actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams.
Pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.
I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
When someone shows you they don`t want to be a part of your life, let them go. I`m not saying you can`t make a voodoo doll of them, though.
The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
never realized how awkward it is to study the reproductive system in a coffee shop.. until now.
Well, Thanks to SAMSUNG, flat screens are no longer `Flat`.
"American Pie" ruined it for any kid that actually does have an amazing story from band camp.
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
Being a Zombie doesn`t sound that bad. You don`t have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"
Apparently my "Please STFU" face bears a strong resemblance to my "Oh, Please Keep Talking" face.