Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s Thanksgiving. Don`t forget to set your scale back 25 lbs
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
I bet if you were in a city getting attacked by huge sci-fi monsters youd run and scream but in the back of your mind youd be like “awesome”
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and It’s just me laughing at my own jokes.
Sorry, I was not paying attention. I was thinking about having sex with you.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
If you recieve something that says,”Send it to all your friends” , then please don`t consider me as your friend.
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.
The cop at your front door is never a stripper when you want them to be.
People think I`m a hugger, but I`m actually shaking them down for snacks.
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.