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Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
Good job with the heavy sighs, guy behind me, that should definitely help speed up the line.
This would be a "Good Morning!" status update, but it`s not, because morning sucks.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p
Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
Sometimes I write "This is a hold up. I have a gun." in the memo of the checks I write for people and pray they cash them at the teller.
No matter what you do on the computer you always end up on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Youtube.
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
My "To Do" list today only had one entry: "Nothing". And it took me all day to finish it!
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
Sometimes I think hip hop music gets a bad rap.