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*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don`t know what he laced them with but I`ve been tripping all day.
Gym Update: Not there.
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
Most people donate to the homeless. Me? I donate to the topless.
I was an atheist, until I realized I was a sex god.
Today in my local cemetery I came across the grave of Arthur Wynne the inventor of the crossword puzzle. For those that want to know where he is buried it`s 6 down and 4 across.
Tip of the day: When the cop asks you if you had anything to drink in the last 24 hours, do NOT ask them for the time... trust me
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.
Let’s be the generation that stops putting things in our butts and having to go to the emergency room to get them taken out, shall we?
The last breasts I touched belonged to a dead chicken.
Reincarnation is my only hope.