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What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig ? The letter F ?
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like "Dude, you have to wait."
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
Hot singles in your area are dating each other while you sit alone staring at your phone.
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer.
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it`s lettuce.
When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m going to blast Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.
I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I`d rather shit in my hands and clap !"
I think Facebook now comes under the housework category.