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We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
People don`t want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
You can be like "This is a slippery slope" or you can be like "Weeeeeeee!"
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
There`s 3 ways to get something done: 1. Do it yourself, 2. Hire someone or 3. Forbid your kids to do it.
Sign said “WET PAINT” So I emptied my water bottle on it. I’m currently waiting on further instructions.
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
Your mother never saw the irony in calling you son of a bitch.
The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.
My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.
once again Tequila is the Delete History button of my brain.
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
I thought we had something. You met my family, made me dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”