Daily Silly Status

The best moments in life are the ones you don`t tell anyone about.

Not to cause a panic but i`m starting to think we`re running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.

You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)

So when is this `old enough to know better` suppose to kick in ?

This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”

Ok, I admit. Everything that`s wrong in your life is your fault.

I love buying a $1 burger and getting $2 worth of mayo...

I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.

Never trust a married guys opinion of who’s hot. It’s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.

Facebook posts with 12 hashtags, who the f*ck are you trying to reach?

If a group of midgets performed the YMCA song, it is to be considered that they did it in lowercase?

Lazy Rule #23 :No Shower Is Needed, If your Not Going Anywhere...

If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?

I wish there was a way to find out how many boners you’ve caused in a lifetime, I wanna check my stats.

I wonder what the inventor of the drawing board said when his first design didn’t work out.