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Do you ever wish you were a monkey? Then if you got mad at someone, you could just fling your poo at them. Problem solved.
When I say “the other day” I could mean yesterday or 5 years ago there’s no in between.
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
thinks whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never been to a nude beach!!
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
Group Therapy: listening to ALL your voices.
When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn`t change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.
Okay kids don`t ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger`s houses except on the day we worship the devil.
I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.
"Wow! That butterfly`s gonna be HUGE!" - First person to find a mummy
It`s always best to fart when there`s a baby on the bus. They always get the blame.
Apparently people don`t like it when you lick your thumb and wipe all that black dirt off their forehead.