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Every time i see a person kneeling over tying their shoe, i run up behind them and hop over them to try and get a game of leapfrog going.
Yes I have a dirty mind ... And you`re on it!
My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
Seriously, You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can`t go in the kitchen alone anymore.
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
You are like that one crazy wheel on a grocery cart.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.
is ready to have one too many!