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I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
Sorry I`m late, the floor was lava
I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
If you can`t fix it with duct tape or beer ... it ain`t worth fixin`
Nothing says "I dont take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you`re yelling at him.
A "long story" is just a short story that no one wants to tell.
If you can’t face it, moon it.
Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
If you can’t love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
I hate it when people upload song lyrics as their status`s it reminds me of somebody i used to know
Billion dollar idea: Meth with Flouride
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on