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Dear guys: Women don`t want pictures of your d!ck. Maybe try sending a screenshot of your bank statement and see where things go.
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them......the police call it indecent exposure but whatever.
ALCOHOL - Because no good story ever started with someone drinking a glass of orange juice.
Dear children, when you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.
i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
We can operate a robot on another planet, but yet I`m still struggling to get this vending machine to take my wrinkled dollar.
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
Got a cat the other day. Had to swerve to get it, but I got it!
I don`t care if you`re here to murder me - we take our shoes off in this house.
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
I can`t help but feel important when someone says there`s a special place in hell for people like me.
I have nothing to update. I`m just making it look like I`m doing something at a party so people won`t talk to me.