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Most people decide to have scramble eggs immediately after thinking: "I`ll just flip this omelette"
I’m classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
good boys go to heaven bad boys go every where
I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. "You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you`re ignorant and make bad decisions.
It’s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
Found out today you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at the waffle house... just trying to help.
Is it sexual harasment to say ho ho ho to a female coworker?
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.
most teens are switching to twitter instead of facebook. noone wants to get on facebook and catch dad pocking mom... if you kno what I mean;)