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Sometimes, late at night in the market..i switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
Don`t believe everything you think.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
I kinda dig you, want to hang out and stuff until we hate each other?
I started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can`t hear me through binoculars.
You know you`re fat when you run out of breath eating.
Do you think that the guy that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??
Every time I go to the bank I ask if they are giving out any free samples.
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up