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I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
How to live a happy life: 1)Do whatever you want 2)Don`t worry 3)Eat whatever you want 4)Don`t take advice from strangers on the internet
If there were "Box Tops for Education" on cases of beer, my kid`s school would be rich.
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
My downstairs neighbor thinks I`m a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that`s what she wrote in her diary.
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
Not one back to school special on beer. What kind of world do we live in.
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.
I`m sorry, we can`t hire you. But your background check was hilarious.
My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
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