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Holiday Shopping Tip #112:Next time you see someone with their arms full of bags looking around a parking lot while pointing and clicking their horn button, help them out and start pushing your horn button too!
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
Fun thing to do: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on peoples cars saying "sorry for the damage" and watch them look for it
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I`d say it`s been a success.
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
These kids next door to me need to quit yelling. I`m about to wake up their mom and send her back over there.
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
I’m a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me.
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.
Sometimes, entire relationships can be chalked up to, "that weird thing I did for a while."
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.