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Bored? Update your Facebook to “in a relationship” with someone you’ve never met just to see if they’ll confirm.
Look, all I`m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
You`re never too old to learn something stupid.
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
I`ve been running as fast as I can, but I still can`t catch my breath.
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
The human body is amazing... You breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.
Grabbed Pizza Roll. Thought "my god that is so hot it`s burning my fingers" and immediately popped it in my mouth ... I`m a goddamn genius.
Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow`s ass
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza…
Anyone else pretend to work all day while thinking about big boobs instead?