Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch.
When exactly are they going to make Xanax fit my Pez Dispenser?
You`re never too old to throw random sh*t in people`s shopping carts when they aren`t looking.
I was enjoying our conversation, but then I stopped talking and the whole thing got really boring.
With the problems I have, I would have taken my own life a long time ago but i have one question: Do they sell weed in hell?
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: "None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."
Velcro, what a rip-off!
ready for bed - gunna give my sheets some arse and my pillows head;]
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
Come on Facebook friends. Be honest with me. Does my butt make my pants look fat?
Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. They are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
Porn can be so misleading. I quit my pizza delivery job after two days.