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Whoever lost a bundle of $20 bills tied up in a rubber band..I found the rubber band..
Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".
Nobody really owns tupperware. We are all just really borrowing it from one another.
Whenever I`m on the phone with someone I like to scream "WAIT DON`T HANG UP" right as they`re hanging up & then not answer when they call back.
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.