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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
I`m thankful for many things, but mostly that there were no camera phones when I was in high school.
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
It`s not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it`s the gas can in her other hand.
Why are kids obese? Maybe because Burgers are $.99, & Salads are $4.99.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I say unto myself I SHALL NEVER... USE APPLE MAPS AGAIN...
I`m always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
Facebook should just change it`s name to "People You May Want to Avoid."
I will be good today... I will be good today... I will be good today... Yeah.... I didn`t believe it either..
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
It`s not my official job but basically all I do is piss people off.
Friends are like slinkys, they are twisted as heck but you can`t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.
I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
Without coffee, Iām just a really tall 2 year old.
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day