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“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
Marriage is for quitters
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
Halfway through singing a romantic ballad to my cat, it occurred to me that I`m going to die alone.
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let`s try to leave better kids for our planet.
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
The Australian kiss is just like the French kiss but down under.
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
Cops love donuts…. just not when you do them on a four lane highway.
I thought an emu was when you sent someone a cow via cyber mail.
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.