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Optimism? Sure, it`s worth a try. I don`t see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
I`m just saying it might be a good idea for Liam Neeson`s to take his family members to the vet and get them microchipped.
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
If someone says they`ll always be there for you...make sure you find out exactly where "there" is.
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
Fun Fact: Valentine`s Day was created by a woman than didn`t get what she wanted for Christmas.
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?