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I downloaded this app called "Hide & Go Seek". Ever since then I cant find my damn phone.
A zip line but from the sofa to the fridge
This liquor store needs a dollar menu.
At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
Roses are red! violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Snot.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
Does Facebook have a “You’re not smart enough to be talking about politics” button?
I must have a great butt because every time I finish talking with someone and start to walk away, I hear them whisper "What an a$$."
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
Half of me is a hopeless romantic. And the other half of me is, well, an asshole.
My therapist recommended I quit growling at people...
I bet if we all threw our problems into a big pile, we’d see everyone else’s and scramble to get ours back.
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree