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Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
Paint thinner? I call bullsh!t. I been painting myself with it all week and I`m still fat.
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
why waste your brain cells to think of a comment when you can just like someone else`s?
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
I can`t seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don`t need their assistance in the bathroom.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.
Me: I`m gonna lose weight. Me: I`m gonna exercise every day. Me: I`m gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?
Congratulation! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…