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Perhaps Nicki Minaj just lost a series of bets.
“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
Ladies: if you argue with your man naked, you will win every single time.
I have a kid in Africa I inoculate, feed, clothe and send to school for only $1 day. It cost a lot to send him over there though.
My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
Dear God, I´ve been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I haven´t been mean at all, but I´m about to get up now and I may need your help :)
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth`s rotation, we were all speeding.
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
The real trouble with reality is that there`s no background music.
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...