Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Bored? Update your Facebook to “in a relationship” with someone you’ve never met just to see if they’ll confirm.
"I don`t know what the f*ck this tastes like." - first person to eat chicken.
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you pee. My parents taught me not to pee on my hands in the first place.
Note to self: Thanks for always being there.
Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.
Can I get likes for no reason?
Of all the advice given to me over the years, “There really is no bad time for a beer” has proved to be the most helpful.
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...
I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work