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Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.
Just once I would like to read a warning label that says "May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy."
Waitress: "Hi, my nam-" Me: "Vodka martini, please."
I like to drink while I clean and that`s how I found out what Febreze tastes like.
i think lady gaga puts glue on herself, and rolls around random items.
If you`ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you`ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
I could kill you with kindness, but shoving you into traffic just saves so much time.
How to cure a headache: 1. Drink a glass of water. 2. Take 10 deep breathes. 3. Give headache your credit card & tell her to go to the mall.
Thought for the day : Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
Can I tell you how terribly grateful I am that no one had cell phones, iPads or digital cameras when I had to squaredance in P.E.
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!