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He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
What do you call a dog with no hind legs? Dragon Balls.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
If the shoe fits, wear it. Unless they`re not yours. But you can still were them. It`s just a road test, after all.
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
Lame! I was tricked into watching PS, I Love You! It`s definitely NOT about a guy that marries his PlayStation.
Yeah I`m married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT`S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
I’m home alone. Time to start my concert.
A procrastinator’s work is never done.
Sometimes, even I`m afraid of the things my mind comes up with.
I pretend my bruises are sex bruises instead of I tripped over my cat while trying a new dance move bruises.
I have the ability to drive people crazy. I`m not sure if I was born with it or if I learned it. But damn am I great at it.
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
If two donuts are stuck together it counts as one right?