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Truthfully officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving.
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
Why don`t prison inmates just use liquid soap?
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
Its O.K. to laugh during sex … just don’t point ! ... trust me
Don`t talk to me about hard times. My dog just licked the last piece of pizza.
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
Thanks coffee for tricking us into believing that it`s a good morning for a few minutes.
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible
I haven`t talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn`t want to interrupt her.
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
I think I may be getting harder to love.