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The difference between cars and whales is that whales can swim and cars can`t.
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
If you didn`t want to be hit with a shovel then you never should have started telling me about your problems.
There are two reasons I would never drink toilet water. Number 1 and number 2.
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
You might call it lazy ... I call it selective participation.
All of those in favor of bitch slapping stupid people, say "I"
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.
Just because I know I`m a "Good looking, extremely intelligent, funny as hell, sexy ass, Motherf#ker" doesn`t mean I`m "Conceited"...Im more like a "Realist", that just so happens to be very good with adjectives!...A "Bad-Ass Realist", that is!
A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women`s facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren`t looking at her face.
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...