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If your dog takes a dump on your floor and you clean it up, who owns who??
You make me want to be a better class of psycho.
Before I had kids I never really reflected on life`s little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
It`s never going to work out between Mario and the Princess. Most of the time she`s on a whole other level.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg, and some days you`re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish ... I`m not even high.
It`s amazing the things I can remember when I don`t need to remember anything.
Tieam... problem solved