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If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
It may look like I’m having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
I only change the kitty litter like once every two weeks but in my defense I don`t have a cat
There are over 10 different flavors of Ramen Noodles, yet they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I`m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
Give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate.
I am who I am, your approval is not needed.
To all who called into work drunk today. Happy St Patrick`s Day.
On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell.
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".
The worst part of owning an invisibility cloak is trying to remember where you hung it up.
They should`ve added "Might lose a lot of sleep" in Facebook`s terms & conditions before signing up.
If you’re telling me to relax, it’s probably your fault that I’m not.