Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When`s it gonna be the 4th of July? I feel like blowin somethin` up and not gettin` arrested.
I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
The best moments in life are the ones you don`t tell anyone about.
People are always weirded out when I take notes during episodes of Dexter.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like "Dude, you have to wait."
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling, "help! shark! help! " I just laughed, I knew that shark was not going to help him.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
I wonder if strippers have nightmares about accidentally going to work fully clothed?
Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don`t have to see, touch, or smell them.