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It`s not so much that I wanted to drink the whole bottle of wine, I just couldn`t figure out how to get the cork back in it.
How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
If you`re a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
When she says she`s madly in love with you, concentrate more on the word madness.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
Just once I`d like to see a stripper do the "Carlton" on stage.
i used to like you but thanks to facebook i now know how boring u are
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.