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The best thing about not being with you, is not being with you.
I screamed a Brazilian times during that waxing.
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
Marriage is for quitters
Selfie... Because it`s important to realize that it`s not the photographer who is making you look ugly.
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
I think there are great benefits in remaining strangers.
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
I tried being modest once, as expected I was amazing at it.
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
The way to win the lottery is to choose the correct numbers in the correct sequence before they are announced. (You’re welcome)
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.