Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m not drunk, I’m just exhausted from drinking all night.
I`ve set my "life goals" to stuff I`ve already done so literally every day now I`m overachieving. It`s all about perspective.
If it requires pants, its not happening today.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead, but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.
I meant to make you a rum cake but somehow I made you a plain cake and now I’m drunk.
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
I can take care of my drunk friends, so the responsibility of having children doesn`t worry me.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
I’m not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
A mosquito landed on my balls... Hardest decision of my life.
People like you are the reason people like me take pills.
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.