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My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Wake up, kids! Bees can`t even read, much less spell. IT`S A SCAM!
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?
If noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
And Jesus said, those footprints on the beach where two sets become one, that`s where I unfollowed you.
If you think husbands aren`t good listeners, whisper "Come here, I`m naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.