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Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it
Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
What age is the best to break it to my kids, that they`re NOT adopted?
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? I`m like that, but with salad.
Magic words that make my children disappear: 1) Bath time. 2) Who did this?!?! 3) When I was your age...
Despite what people may tell you, its the fat that makes you look fat... NOT the dress!! lol
In retrospect, I suppose "harder" wasn`t the best choice of a safe word.
love me or leave me,,HEY!!! where is everybody going?
I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching my apartment looking for similar buttons.
I want you to know that whatever problems you`re having, I`m here to read about it on Facebook
Do you know what I hate worse than people? Groups of people.