Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
...you ever ponder why that page was intentionally left blank?
I enjoy long walks away from responsibility.
I don`t understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He`s better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here
I just broke my record for most days lived.
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
You`ve already put up your Christmas tree? That`s nothing. I`m already drunk for St. Patrick`s Day.
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.
One day I hope the bravery of the people who initiate clapping is recognized.
Wal-Mart: Because going to Target requires a shower.
I`ll sell my broken watch when the time is right.
When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.